Welcome…

Born into a family of unresolved generational trauma, I was a sensitive child with long hair, pony tails, chubby cheeks and soon took on a dry sense of humor, anxiety, and depression. My mother suffered from childhood sexual abuse and unfortunately it trickled down to me in more than one way. She also spent a lot of her time working or alone, often drinking a vodka cranberry with a Virginia slim cigarette. My father and her divorced when I was around 18 months old, both worked government jobs and were private investigators, including but not limited to: surveillance, the FBI, and many generations of CIA on my fathers side, who was also in the military.

There was not a lot of sharing of emotions going on, mostly covert intellectual approaches towards emotional communications or yelling - if noted at all. It wasn’t until my late 20’s that it hit me that I had grown up in a house with substance use and domestic violence between my mother and her husband - this was after my own encounter with domestic violence, substance use and realization of my own reality. At that point I had 2 children and no partner. I still wanted a family, and I knew what I wanted it to feel like.

I thought the 3rd time would be different and would tie it all together and my dreams of having a stable and growing family would blossom. I wanted to be the woman who titled her instagram reels with “mom of 7 - love my growing family,” while kneading bread with good olive oil, whimsical hair, a pregnant belly and we’re all dressed in shades of brown with a variety of textures and patterns, and it was just understood that i had a husband and he fathered all of my children. Honestly my dreams were vanilla - but honorable.

I wanted to be what I wasn’t. And there was literally no way I was going to fit into the monochrome image I thought that would be accepted into society while having 3 kids with different fathers, still single, never married, government assistance, and into mystical spiritual stuff.

A looked over piece - I loved all of my children’s fathers, and wanted to live the life of a devoted partner and mother - however, 1. We were young and sad 2. unfortunately I don’t think I could have prevented the domestic violence and all that came with it - substance use, paranoid delusions, isolation etc. 3. I thought this time would be different because of how long we had been friends, but this was a profoundly eye opening segue into transformation - sometimes all this makes me sad. Doing this work makes it less painful though, and makes room for other emotions and experiences.

From a spiritual perspective, trauma acts as a key into transformation and a higher purpose. I haven’t always been able to say this stuff due to shame, fear, embarrassment, guilt, disgust - this comes from how we are socialized in society directly or indirectly.

One distraught day screaming out “why does this always happen to me!?!?!” on the kitchen floor led me to wake up to my reality - one of many wake ups. I had already been doing childhood trauma work on my own, and I had recently stopped seeing my therapist of 5 years because I realized I was starting to only talk about the same thing, my partner. It felt like I was trying to drive my body through a wall with weights on my ankles at the bottom of the ocean. I needed something else.

I realized that if I didn’t change, like actually change and become a different person, then I would continue to see my external (physical) world be a reflection of my interior (mental, emotional) world - confused, unsafe emotionally and physically, discontent, unsatisfied, anxious, fearful, embarrassed, worried, “guilty”, “dirty”.

What do I mean by a different person?

• #1 - New actions

• #2 - New thoughts & beliefs

• #3 - Allowing feelings & emotions

• New patterns

In order to transform something you need to know what you are working with.

New definitions, inner child work, spirituality, grief recovery, and taking new/different actions towards a desired goal are what helped me get back into life.

Objectively looking at my life circumstances and events from the view point of an adult and having that adult go backwards and forwards in time has helped me to take responsibility of my life and give me insight. Taking responsibility of my life has brought me new feelings, emotions, and purpose.

Today I have a vision for my life, I want to live - haven’t always wanted to…, I want to know myself, I want to participate and explore what the world and life has to offer. I intentionally prioritize myself so I can be physically and emotionally available for my self and my children. It’s not perfect, but I want to be here and I can see why.

My services include:

• 1:1 Grief Recovery® Sessions (currently only in person)

• Group Grief Recovery® Sessions (currently only in person)

• Online, by phone or in person coaching sessions